Get Ready with me & A personal chat about my anxiety/panic attacks! VIDEO!
Wednesday 7 October 2015
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Hello my babbers!
So in this video I show you how to create this highly requested pop of colour makeup look! I decided to create something a bit different from my usual eye looks, and I love these two colours together. Not going to lie, the pink was spontaneous but I love it and I hope you guys do too!
So in this video I also cover a few issues! The first is that I am back at university (woooo), famous last words I know haha! For anyone wondering, I am studying Forensic Psychology with the intent of earning a bachelors of science with honours! So I have a bunch of pre filmed videos but will occasionally be filming new ones. I am hoping to film at least once a week. Now... I have also had a few issues lately that I wish to discuss. It's not something I wanted to discuss on social media because its still raw to me.
For a few years I have been dealing with Anxiety. Although for the first year or so, it was very underlying and I could brush it off and get on with my daily life. However, in the past year its been bothering me a bit more than usual. Lately, I have been dealing with severe panic attacks. When I say severe, I mean 'visiting A&E because I thought I was having a heart attack' severe. Now, usually I am able to understand what triggers panic attacks and subsequently I am able to understand what to do to prevent them from happening. But this time round, these panic attacks spring from no where.
The other morning around 12:30am I woke up and felt an intense pain in my chest. My heart rate was incredibly fast and I could feel the pain spreading from behind my boob (soz about the detail), up to my neck and into my back. I couldn't breath, I was dizzy and I was very incoherent. I could also feel warmth to this pain almost like indigestion. From memory, with my granddad having multiple severe heart attacks, I could remember him describing his symptoms. All of those symptoms felt like what I was having. Now with most of my family having heart issues, I had convinced myself something was very wrong. Now other than the physical distress, I was also battling with my mind. I have a very bad fear of dying/close people dying. The fear Is more intense for dying unnaturally via terrorism, car accident etc, not natural death (aka your time was up when it was meant to be up). Now imagine convincing yourself you are having a heart attack, you're going to die but you are scared of dying??? It makes the situation 100x worse. Anyway, results were fine no issues to suggest I had a heart attack but it did suggest something else, I was having a panic attack but it was to the extent that I was affected physically and mentally.
Because my heart was beating so fast and my muscles were tensing up in my chest (causing the chest pain), I still feel sore In that chest region. I also felt silly going to A&E with my results coming back normal. I felt drained because it strung a whole load of other emotions: embarrassed, overwhelmed and almost like no one believed me, that I was over reacting. But then I thought about it, its nothing to be embarrassed about, nor should I worry what anyone thinks because I know my body better than anyone else in the world does. Something was wrong. This wasn't the first time I have had a panic attack but it sure as hell was the worst. Instead of looking at this situation negatively, its essential you pull positives out of this: a) if it happens again I know what it is b) my heart wasn't affected and it was perfectly 'normal'. and c) I wasn't really in any trouble, I was making myself believe I was.
Now I know this much about panic attacks and more specifically panic disorder:
- Its classed as recurring and regular panic attacks for no apparent reason
- It affects more people than you think
- It may stem from phobias, PTSD and anxiety
- Your body is overwhelmed with sensations, mainly fear, and anxiety.
- You may have symptoms such as: Incoherent speech, sweating, pain in the chest or legs, sickness, dizziness, breathlessness.
- It's very real. It should be taken seriously and just because it cannot be seen, that doesn't mean its not there.
Treatment wise, I am on beta blockers to slow down my heart rate when it happens again. It's scary to write that knowing full well a panic attack will emerge anywhere and everywhere. Im also attending counselling which will help me with my phobia, negative thinking patterns and will help me to effectively provide treatment for myself to steer away from situations where I may be vulnerable and also techniques to calm me down. I am yet to start this so I will keep you updated but its not nice. I feel like I need to combat my intense phobia of death (which will be hard seeing as all species need a fear of death to keep them alive), which will hopefully change my thinking patterns. Hopefully I will be able to look at a plane and think " I can get on that, travel and arrive safely rather than thinking If I get on that it will crash and I will die".
If you have felt like this at all, please chat with me on my social media. I would love to hear from you and maybe share a few self help techniques. If you are battling with it on a daily basis like me, remember you are ok. You are not under any threat, its just your body sending mixed signals. you get stronger after each episode.
hugs and kisses xoxox
